When I finally worked up the courage
to take the plunge and ask you out,
I felt as lost as a diver
plummeting to the bottom of the inky sea.
Buffeted by currents
I panicked about what I’d fallen in to.
Until you pulled my helpless body
to the surface where
I floundered gasping for oxygen
as you pounded on my chest and
started my heart beating again.
Hand in hand you eagerly led me to
love’s cliff edge.
Where I instantly fell for you…
Or was I pushed?
Many years ago I made a foolish promise,
it consisted of five simple words.
” I will always love you.”
You took my promise and
reminded me of it every day,
until my fragile hope
became iron in your grip.
Five iron words.
Five iron nails you drive slowly
into my heart each day.
Five words you engraved
on every link of the chain
that binds me to you.
There’s unanswered texts on a phone
A discarded present under the TV
A drained bottle of vodka
Bruises inflicted where the family can’t see.
There’s an engagement ring dropped on the carpet
Torn up wedding invites on the floor.
Spilled tablets around the sink
No answer to urgent knocks at the door.
There’s an unopened Valentine’s card on the doormat
Tear stains on Sunday best clothes.
A body sprawled on the floor
A pale lifeless hand on a red rose.
Your heart is a black hole.
A crushing singularity to nowhere,
Which I poured my love into,
Only to have it lost in its depths.
With no chance of escape.
I fell in love with the girl,
Who works at the record store.
Every time I saw her,
My heart spun more and more.
She makes the shoppers dance,
She makes me feel alive.
She’s a mint condition 33,
While I’m just an old scratchy 45.
But her heart’s been made fickle,
By the industry she’s in.
Who she loves one week,
Is next week in the bargain bin.
So I’ll never make her top ten,
Or make a hit on her heart.
I’m no hot new entry,
Just the bottom of her chart.
Kam 4 Tony B 4 eva
Sprayed on an underpass wall.
Love so boldly declared,
With a vandal’s scrawl.
Kam 4 Tony B 4 eva,
Does either of them know.
Of this spray painted statement,
That has put their love on show.
Kam 4 Tony B 4 eva,
Will people cry?
If they separate
Before the paint is dry.
Based on an actual piece of graffiti I used to see until the council recently painted over it.
When we first met I thought you were weird,
But it turned out it seemed I had nothing to fear.
Because even though you’re a serial killer I found out
That of your love for me you said I should never doubt.
And now as I look back on our years together,
I should never have worried that our love wouldn’t last forever.
At first I found your life odd and I had to remember,
That I shouldn’t interrupt you while you dismember.
And I shouldn’t worry that you still have your mom’s clothes,
Or that upstairs her body is starting to decompose.
I learnt to ignore murder reports on the radio,
And not to question what you buried under the patio.
But I still get anxious when you go out to paint the town red,
And I worry for you as I lie awake with your mom in bed.
Wishing that you and your axe were here beside me,
But knowing how important it is that you finish your killing spree.
However I do have doubts that your love for me has passed,
When I discovered you’d dug a large hole in the vegetable patch.
And I wish I hadn’t bought you that saw for your birthday,
As you look at me funnily when you sharpen it every day.
We can’t part now I get on with your mom so well,
I’ve even managed to get used to her smell.
You know that I’m not someone of who you can casually dispose,
As who will wash the blood off the patio with the hose?
Who will everyday your knives and hammers oil?
Who will lie for you when the police call?
Our vows said clearly till death do us part,
So I hope you can find it in your heart.
To forget any thoughts of murdering me,
I mean who will grill your victims for your tea?
But you smile at me and it melts my doubts,
And I feel I’ve got nothing to worry about.
You say that hole in the vegetable patch
Is just for a bothersome badger you need to catch.
And as the sky begins to darken,
You take me out to show me this into the garden.
And as you walk behind me carrying your spade,
I wonder why I was ever afraid.
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You’re like a marmite covered jelly-baby
I don’t know why I’m drawn to you?
I think you think about me sometimes
So today I plan to fall in love with you.
You see I’m drawn to you like a moth to a flame
Like a rat to a discarded take away.
I’m always tongue tied in your presence
So what I love about you I can never say.
Like I love the fact you catch the train
When it’d be easier for you to walk.
I love the way you flick the V’s
At me, when all I want to do is talk.
I love the fact you mock the needy
Yet still give generously to charity.
I love the way you wear a bikini
Even though you don’t live by the sea.
You’re like a panda armed with a blade
I love you even though you’re bizarre.
You’re like a razor filled doughnut
So tempting but I fear you may scar.
I love you like a pig loves not being bacon.
I love you like a diabetic loves their insulin drug.
I love you like we love a song we love to hate.
Oh if only you understood.