If you find that you prefer Master Chef to the Walking Dead
If you’d rather neck a bottle of Sanatogen than a bottle of red.
If you can’t remember when you had more than stubble on your head
If it takes at least two Viagra just to get you out of bed.
If you remember vinyl the first time it was around
If it’s only when your hip gives way do you actually get on down.
If you don’t have a onesie but prefer an old terry towelling dressing gown.
Then bloody hell you must be old.
If you think Stormzy is what appears as the rain begins
If you think Little Mix is something that goes in gin.
If you think you’re already going to Hell so who cares if you commit another sin
If reading the obituaries of your old school friends makes you grin.
If you only have to look at a doughnut and you get fat
If your favourite type of pussy is a neutered tabby cat.
If your more confused than a chameleon in a Skittles bag
If your mates can’t remember opal fruits and insist they’re Starburst then that is that.
It’s a sign that just like me you’re bloody old.
Happy Seventh Birthday to my blog!
Recently my local bookshop Southcart Books have come close to closing due to no fault of their own, after a successful online petition the shop has been granted a short reprieve. Here’s the latest news from owner Scott Carter…
***SHOP CLOSURE UPDATE***
we have managed to secure a short reprieve from our landlords if we can hit financial targets they have set us ( better than being kicked out friday ) , what that means in real time is that over the next 6 weeks we have got to sell a mighty amount of books(good job we have 1000s in stock) , so please think of us for your book buying needs either in the shop itself or via our online buying platform , please visit our eBay store below , this is a slight weight off our shoulders but now the real hard work begins
or you can kindly donate directly via this link
Sign and share the petition to save the shop and show your support by clicking here
I would like to add myself that Southcart is a huge supporter of the arts in my home town, hosting free poetry and authors events. I’ve launched books at the shop as have others and I can honestly say that without the shop the town and the artistic community they support will lose out. Please help if you can.
She will break your hear using just an old guitar
Bared tattooed arms display her story in scars.
Fixing the audience with her passionate stare
A dark shadow under the spotlight’s glare.
She’s Shirley Manson, Brix, Joan,
Kim Deal, Kristin Hersch and Nina Simone.
She’s Courtney when she loved heroin and Kurt,
Plus Tori trapped in a quirky world of hurt.
She’s the lipstick on a cigarette stub,
No one knows how she survived her invite to the 27 club.
She’s a fallen angel who chain sawed off her wings,
Shining like a dying star when she sings.
I wouldn’t say it was cold this weekend but…
The snowman we built demanded to come inside,
Luke Skywalker was found in a dead tauntaun on the drive.
The freezer was the warmest place in the house,
I lived in an electric blanket and refused to go out.
But while I shivered and slowly turned blue here’s the thing,
I was reliably informed that it’s nearly Spring !
I hope so.
My good friends Matt and Paul both have calls out for your poetry for anthologies they are working on.
Click the pictures below for more details
After a fantastic launch at Southcart Books last Saturday I’m pleased to say my fourth book of poetry “Creative Waste,” is now released into the wild and available to buy. Southcart Books have some physical copies on their shelves or you can buy the book from Lulu publishing by clicking this link.
Here I am reading from my new book, picture by Paul Morris
I’d like to say a big thanks to fellow poets Paul Morris and Matt Humphries for their support and launching their excellent books alongside my own, also a massive debt of thanks is owed to Southcart Books for hosting the event.
You can buy Paul’s book by clicking here
and Matt’s book can be found by clicking here.
This year I had the pleasure of hosting a performance of poetry from the Birmingham Stanza Poetry group at the Verve Poetry Festival held at Waterstones. It was a great morning with a lot of talented poets performing, here’s one of my contributions that I wrote specially for the event, Poetry Breakfast.
We’ve got for your pleasure…
Poetry hot from the grill
sizzling, steaming, spitting, sensations.
As you partake
fatty odes and greasy sonnets will
smear your lips, dribble
down your chin forming
a glorious mess, that you will
want to devour again
and again and again.
stories and dreams, whirling,
dancing and blending together.
Then served with love and
garnished with inspiration.
Poems as sharp and bitter as
the first cup of coffee of the day.
Refrains that cut through your senses
jolting you out of your seat
with their raw power.
Or poems as cool as milk straight
from the fridge. Pure, organic,
fresh words, that you gulp
down with relish,
smacking your lips.
I have heard that some people skip breakfast,
they don’t know what they are missing
there should always come beer.
Bitter hops match
the poet’s temperament,
slowly sipping dark beer
trying to quell darker thoughts.
Glasses are clunked down
Staring into froth,
wondering what will appear.
This poem is the spiritual successor to this little poem that at the time of writing I was unaware would grow into my first book of poetry.
There’s unanswered texts on a phone
A discarded present under the TV
A drained bottle of vodka
Bruises inflicted where the family can’t see.
There’s an engagement ring dropped on the carpet
Torn up wedding invites on the floor.
Spilled tablets around the sink
No answer to urgent knocks at the door.
There’s an unopened Valentine’s card on the doormat
Tear stains on Sunday best clothes.
A body sprawled on the floor
A pale lifeless hand on a red rose.
I’m pleased to announce I’ve got a poem in the new anthology from Nadia Kinglsey and Fair Acre Press entitled, “Diversifly” Here’s a taster for you…
It’s great to be featured with some great poets including Brian Bilston, Carrie Etter, Andrew McMillan, Sabrina Mahfouz, Kaite O’Reilly, Emma Purshouse, Amaal Said, James Sheard, and Dorothea Smartt and more. Alongside the poem are also some marvellous pictures and photos of birds that really bring the book to life.
To buy a copy click this link.