As the winter snow falls gently down,
There’s a unholy sound carried on the breeze.
Something wicked this way comes,
You tremble with the feeling of impending unease.
Coming closer is the sound of metal clinking
Accompanied by an ominous heavy tread.
There, did you catch that brutish laughter?
Did you glimpse those eyes of fiery red?
Meet Krampus the malevolent bastard of Christmas,
He doesn’t bring presents he brings terror tonight.
Children scream as by their window Krampus stalks past,
As the monster is truly a hideous sight.
The beast’s matted hair is brown and black,
He walks quickly on twisted hooves.
On his misshapen head grow deformed goat horns,
While between cracked teeth his lecherous tongue drools.
Krampus’ huge warty hands carry,
Chains to thrash all the misbehaving children well.
On his back he bears an old rusty bath tub,
In which he drowns the naughty then washes them down to hell.
Now hold that thought of Krampus being evil,
Hold your thought that he’s a truly nasty soul.
Did you know some folks adore Krampus,
If the strange truth be told.
These folks have made Krampus a celebrity,
He’s the figurehead of a vast empire
Of Krampus related merchandise,
That children and adults at Christmas all desire.
You can now buy Krampus action figures,
Or purchase Krampus t-shirts and masks.
You can dress your partner up as Krampus,
But let’s move quickly on from that.
It seems to me that Krampus has gone from being nasty,
To being a multi-media celebrity icon.
He now truly represents the dark side of Christmas,
But I can see what is really going on.
There’s a new streak to Krampus’ evil,
It’s that what makes me really afraid.
As now rather than drown me and then send me to hell,
He’ll keep me alive because there’s money to be made.