Bladder Control to Major Tom


If you find that you prefer Master Chef to the Walking Dead
If you’d rather neck a bottle of Sanatogen than a bottle of red.
If you can’t remember when you had more than stubble on your head
If it takes at least two Viagra just to get you out of bed.
If you remember vinyl the first time it was around
If it’s only when your hip gives way do you actually get on down.
If you don’t have a onesie but prefer an old terry towelling dressing gown.
Then bloody hell you must be old.

If you think Stormzy is what appears as the rain begins
If you think Little Mix is something that goes in gin.
If you think you’re already going to Hell so who cares if you commit another sin
If reading the obituaries of your old school friends makes you grin.
If you only have to look at a doughnut and you get fat
If your favourite type of pussy is a neutered tabby cat.
If your more confused than a chameleon in a Skittles bag
If your mates can’t remember opal fruits and insist they’re Starburst then that is that.
It’s a sign that just like me you’re bloody old.

 

Happy Seventh Birthday to my blog!

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Help support Southcart Books


Recently my local bookshop Southcart Books have come close to closing due to no fault of their own, after a successful online petition the shop has been granted a short reprieve. Here’s the latest news from owner Scott Carter…

***SHOP CLOSURE UPDATE***
we have managed to secure a short reprieve from our landlords if we can hit financial targets they have set us ( better than being kicked out friday ) , what that means in real time is that over the next 6 weeks we have got to sell a mighty amount of books(good job we have 1000s in stock) , so please think of us for your book buying needs either in the shop itself or via our online buying platform , please visit our eBay store below , this is a slight weight off our shoulders but now the real hard work begins

http://stores.ebay.co.uk/southcartbooks/

or you can kindly donate directly via this link

paypal.me/southcartbooks

Sign and share the petition to save the shop and show your support by clicking here

I would like to add myself that Southcart is a huge supporter of the arts in my home town, hosting free poetry and authors events. I’ve launched books at the shop as have others and I can honestly say that without the shop the town and the artistic community they support will lose out. Please help if you can.

Fallen Angel


She will break your heart using just an old guitar
Bared tattooed arms display her story in scars.
Fixing the audience with her passionate stare
A dark shadow under the spotlight’s glare.
She’s Shirley Manson, Brix, Joan,
Kim Deal, Kristin Hersch and Nina Simone.
She’s Courtney when she loved heroin and Kurt,
Plus Tori trapped in a quirky world of hurt.
She’s the lipstick on a cigarette stub,
No one knows how she survived her invite to the 27 club.
She’s a fallen angel who chain sawed off her wings,
Shining like a dying star when she sings.

The Beast from the East Retreats


I wouldn’t say it was cold this weekend but…

The snowman we built demanded to come inside,
Luke Skywalker was found in a dead tauntaun on the drive.
The freezer was the warmest place in the house,
I lived in an electric blanket and refused to go out.
But while I shivered and slowly turned blue here’s the thing,
I was reliably informed that it’s nearly Spring !

I hope so.

Two calls for poetry submissions


My good friends Matt and Paul both have calls out for your poetry for anthologies they are working on.

Click the pictures below for more details