The Secret Life of Pistachios


To sit down and attempt to write a poem about pistachios
Is really a lot harder than you might suppose.
As they’re not that exciting, they just sit still and grow,
Only moving if the wind around them blows.
Because exciting things don’t happen to pistachios you know.

No, never has a super villain with oily black moustachios,
Fiendishly hijacked the world’s supply of pistachios.
Remaining unchallenged until a nut loving hero arose,
Who defeated the dastardly villain with some superb judo.
Because these things don’t happen to pistachios you know.

At no point did macadamia lovers invent a crazy gizmo,
That would vaporise instantly every single pistachio.
Enabling their snack rival to be completely deposed,
So the world would have to eat only the nuts they chose.
Because nothing bizarre happens to pistachios you know.

The news has never broadcast that all pistachios,
Were accidentally to deadly radiation exposed.
Causing nut lovers to glow then fall like dominoes
Leaving their dead bodies in the streets to decompose.
Because pistachios aren’t the stuff of sci-fi you know.

So I’m left with nothing interesting to write about pistachios,
Except to make up a lot of right nonsense I suppose.
While waiting for something cool about them to show,
Then an epic poem about these mighty nuts I can compose.
Because one day something exciting will happen to pistachios.

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