I flick my tail at your Christmas Decorations,
I raise my hackles at your novelty Santa hat.
I curl my lip at your Christmas cards,
There’s only one thing that interests this cat.
And that is in my role as feline predator,
I’m going to stealthily stalk your Christmas tree.
My mission is simply to kill it you know,
Oh the joy it’s going to bring me.
I raise a paw and unsheathe my claws,
As I prepare the killing blow.
Then I strike as quick as lightning,
And down the Christmas tree goes.
Oh bugger I’m trapped beneath it now,
With a tree light illuminating my arse.
I hiss, spit and caterwaul,
But my plight gets worse because.
In runs my owner, all red in the face,
“You wretched animal, “ he shouts out loud.
Trying his best to find me,
As under the tree’s remains I cower.
“I’ll skin you cat you tree wrecker you,”
My owner says as he brandishes a knife.
He’s over reacting a little I think,
I’m sure he won’t take one of my nine lives.
As my owner lifts what’s left of the tree,
I spot an open door and leg it outside.
Leaving him to tidy up the mess,
With lots of swearing and sighs.
Later I peer through the lounge window,
Looking like butter wouldn’t melt in my mouth.
I’ll be back for that tree tomorrow,
And the turkey better look out as well.