When we first met I thought you were weird,
But it turned out it seemed I had nothing to fear.
Because even though you’re a serial killer I found out
That of your love for me you said I should never doubt.
And now as I look back on our years together,
I should never have worried that our love wouldn’t last forever.
At first I found your life odd and I had to remember,
That I shouldn’t interrupt you while you dismember.
And I shouldn’t worry that you still have your mom’s clothes,
Or that upstairs her body is starting to decompose.
I learnt to ignore murder reports on the radio,
And not to question what you buried under the patio.
But I still get anxious when you go out to paint the town red,
And I worry for you as I lie awake with your mom in bed.
Wishing that you and your axe were here beside me,
But knowing how important it is that you finish your killing spree.
However I do have doubts that your love for me has passed,
When I discovered you’d dug a large hole in the vegetable patch.
And I wish I hadn’t bought you that saw for your birthday,
As you look at me funnily when you sharpen it every day.
We can’t part now I get on with your mom so well,
I’ve even managed to get used to her smell.
You know that I’m not someone of who you can casually dispose,
As who will wash the blood off the patio with the hose?
Who will everyday your knives and hammers oil?
Who will lie for you when the police call?
Our vows said clearly till death do us part,
So I hope you can find it in your heart.
To forget any thoughts of murdering me,
I mean who will grill your victims for your tea?
But you smile at me and it melts my doubts,
And I feel I’ve got nothing to worry about.
You say that hole in the vegetable patch
Is just for a bothersome badger you need to catch.
And as the sky begins to darken,
You take me out to show me this into the garden.
And as you walk behind me carrying your spade,
I wonder why I was ever afraid.
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