50 Shades of Grey Peas


grey pays and bacon

50 shades of grey peas*

The only masochistic streak I have is following my local football team.
The only thing I bleed if you cut me is Highgate Bitter.**
The only contract I ever signed was for my mobile phone.
The only urge I submit too is to buy another pint at last orders.
The only thing I like whipped is the cream on my trifle.
The only grey I tolerate are the clouds over my home town.

* Grey peas or grey pays in my local Black Country dialect are delicious with bacon and are a well known local dish where I live.

** Highgate Bitter used to be brewed at the end of my road, but now with the brewery sadly closed is made under licence elsewhere in the UK. In spite of all this it’s still a local beer in my eyes wherever it’s made.

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Brain Donor


Brain-Donor-Hoodies

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’m really worried about my brain,
As lately it’s use to me causes doubt.
So I popped in to see my Doctor,
Who told me it had to come out.

Unsurprisingly I stopped in my tracks,
And said to the doc “how can you tell?
And I’d really like a second opinion.”
“OK sir,” he said “you’re ugly as well.”

The doc explained, “if your brains no use,
And about it you become a moaner.
Then a brain transplant patient applies,
And you become a brain donor.”

So it’s bye-bye to my cortex,
Farewell to my neurological mass.
Goodbye to my little grey cells,
I hope my brains loss will soon pass.

And now in between my ears,
Replacing that I had to discard.
Is a mobile phone ten quid special,
One gigabyte sim card.

So now I never get upset,
I don’t miss my brain, I’m not glum.
I smile and drool all day long,
Happily comfortably numb.

Like the poem ? Why not buy my book, just click here.

It’s great to share and if you have enjoyed this poem why not share it with your fellow poets or friends. I don’t mind in fact I encourage sharing on Facebook, Twittter or where ever you fancy – just use the buttons below – all I ask is you please credit this site when you do so. Thank you.