I’m Going on a Beer Hunt


Last night before she went to sleep I read my daughter the excellent children’s poem
We’re going on a bear hunt, ” by Michael Rosen and Helen Oxenbury.

After my daughter had fallen asleep I found the words of the poem were still going round in my head then before I knew what was happening I had started to write the following parody.

I’m going on a beer hunt
I’m going to drink a big one
What a beautiful day
Let’s get drunk.

Uh-oh a queue
A queue at the bar
I can’t go round it
I can’t go under it
I’ll have to go through it.

Push, shove, push shove, push shove.

I’m going on a beer hunt
I’m going to drink a big one
What a beautiful day
Let’s get drunk.

Uh-oh the pubs crowded
The pubs very crowded
I can’t stand here
I can’t stand there
I’ll have to go to the beer garden.

Balance glass, negotiate door, balance glass, negotiate door.

I’m going on a beer hunt
I’m going to drink a big one
What a beautiful day
Let’s get drunk.

Uh-oh wasps
Nasty little wasps.
I can’t go round them
I can’t go through them
I’ll have to be violent to them.

Ineffectual swat, ineffectual swat

I’m going on a beer hunt
I’m going to drink a big one
What a beautiful day
Let’s get drunk.

Uh-oh rain
It’s stating to rain.
I can’t go round it
I can’t go though it
I’ll have to just wait for it to stop.

Get wet, get wetter, get wet, get wetter.

I’m going on a beer hunt
I’m going to drink a big one
What a beautiful day
Let’s get drunk.

Uh-oh my glass is empty
I’ll have to go to the bar,

Back through the rain, get wet, get wetter.
Back through the wasps, ineffectual swat, ineffectual swat.
Back through the pub door, Balance glass, negotiate door, balance glass negotiate door.
Back through the queue, push, shove, push,shove

Pay for pint
Notice time
Down pint in one
Run for bus
Travel home while
Fighting urge to urinate.

I’m never going on a beer hunt again.
Until tomorrow

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